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Sensitive children experience feelings more intensely and express their emotions more intensely. Especially when correcting or setting boundaries, you notice as a parent that your sensitive child can easily burst into anger. When you, as a parent, then try to talk to your child about his or her behavior, you will notice that your child easily closes himself off and may also cover his ears or even walk away from the situation. The feelings are too intense for your child.
Children with a more sensitive character experience feelings more intensely and express emotions more intensely. Sensitive children are more likely to be overwhelmed by emotions when they feel like they’re failing. One child expresses these intense feelings by screaming and yet another child will quickly burst into tears or throw a tantrum when they feel overwhelmed. [ Read more: Overstimulation or tantrum]
Stay calm and don’t try to respond substantively to everything your child says. Don’t take what your child says literally. After all, young children are driven by emotions and are irrational by nature. When your child reacts so intensely, it is his or her way of letting them know that she is overstimulated . The more you react to the behavior, the more you reinforce the behavior.
We tend to say too much when we try to calm our children down, because we think (hope!) that by talking we can reduce the upset. But the opposite is true. Children who are overwhelmed become even more overstimulated by the multitude of language. The most effective way to help your child is simply to acknowledge your child’s feelings. Say something short and empathetic, such as, “Wow, those are really big feelings.” This helps your child calm down and communicates that you are his rock; that he can trust you to stay calm and understanding during his most difficult moments and that he is not alone.
Children need the certainty that what they feel is allowed to be there. They may be angry or sad. But they have the choice of how to respond to these feelings. “Mommy gets angry when things don’t go her way either” confirms and normalizes your child’s feelings.
When children are emotionally overwhelmed, they don’t have access to the part of the brain that allows them to think and reason. Only when your child has calmed down can you go in and come up with solutions with your child. [Read more about a meltdown]
Summarize what happened: “Mommy asked you to pet the dog gently, because otherwise the dog would be scared, but when I said something about it you immediately got angry.” Pause to let your child respond. You could ask your child if they thought you were angry or criticized them. Explain that sometimes people hear things in a way that the other person doesn’t mean. This helps him understand his feelings and reactions.
Let your child know that you are helping him/her learn to deal with his big feelings. One of the greatest gifts you give your child is to let him know that you understand, accept, and appreciate him; that you don’t judge his feelings and that you are there for your child when intense feelings arise.
[Learning to control emotions in gifted children]
Once your child is able to name their feelings, they still need age-appropriate, socially acceptable ways to “manage” these feelings. Feelings can trigger intense tantrums that are difficult for children to resist. The skill of managing impulses rather than acting on them is hard work and requires you as a parent to coach your child until he/she has developed the internal ability to coach himself/herself.
[products that support learning to express feelings]
It’s also important to know that some children who are emotionally sensitive may also be sensitive to sensory stimuli. For example, a child who is sensitive to textures may have major reactions to food and thus be a picky eater, or be very selective about the clothes he wears. A child who is sensitive to noise may become overwhelmed in a busy shopping street or crowded classroom. Stimulus-sensitive children feel overwhelmed more quickly, which can result in overstimulation.
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