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Last night and last night it was hit again. Our oldest of 6 who is screaming next to his bed jumping for his moms. Panic in his sleep. He doesn’t really wake up, he talks incoherently and is especially very upset. We know this by now, it is a sharp sign that he is overstimulated and that he has not been able to send those stimuli out the door during the day. Fortunately, he doesn’t remember anything about it the next day, but it costs him extra energy unnoticed.
It’s also way too much, we all know that. That December month is just 1 big tension arc for most children. Even our youngest of 3 is regularly not to be enjoyed, tired or very naughty. But for the eldest, it’s gone in the meantime. I prefer to keep him at home, shield him, nice and safe, nice and secure. However, I don’t think that’s the most responsible solution. It is important for him to maintain his rhythm and structure. So ‘just’ to school and to swimming lessons and to scouting. Keeping the predictability as high as possible.
Yes and ours, so they like everything too! Can’t get crazy enough for him, last weekend sleepover weekend of scouting. Picking up on Sunday morning and bouncing through an indoor playground on Sunday afternoon, everything is possible, he loves stimuli! He looks them up, which they also call ‘strongwilled’. He is strong-willed, he likes to decide for himself what he does and how he does it. If he gets overstimulated, he takes it a step further and goes completely crazy. He simply cannot withdraw or stop on his own, he needs help with that. Difficult combination with a highly sensitive child, it regularly results in an uncontrolled crying fit because he can’t really do it anymore, especially after all those stimuli from Sinterklaas and all the exciting activities that are still to come (Christmas dinner at school, celebrating Christmas at home, his mommy’s birthday in between, New Year’s Eve).
So what do we do to get through it? Actually, I’ll already reveal that a bit above. We stick to the rhythm and structure of every day. We don’t pay more attention to what’s to come than what’s necessary. The more often we talk about Christmas or New Year’s Eve? The more we ask if he is looking forward to his Christmas dinner at school? The more he gets overstimulated by it. If he asks about it or starts talking about it, we talk about it calmly and then we go back to the order of the day. And we make calendars, just a monthly calendar on an A4 sheet of paper. There we draw what is there when, we come up with the pictures that fit together. Putting a shoe in front of the shoe, for example, or a car when we go to grandpa and grandma. He comes up with it and we make it together. He can cross off where we are every day and therefore knows when he can or cannot expect something. It gives him certainty and saves a lot of anxiety and questions.
And is he going crazy? Then I give him a hand to stop. Just grab it, get it out of the situation. He can’t make contact, so I don’t ask that of him. I put him in a cozy corner on the couch, with his chew chain and something to fiddle with. Just coming back into his body. It is wonderful to see him slowly come back. 10 minutes later he can play calmly again and the tension is gone for a while.
Oh and that Christmas holiday, of course it starts a bit unhappy, we fall almost right into Christmas. So if I can give you as a mother a tip on how to start this holiday with a highly sensitive/highly sensitive child? Don’t plan anything until Christmas Day and don’t go out yet. Let them get through those first 2 days of vacation in peace. Take a nice walk every day and play a lot and don’t have to do much.
We come home on Friday afternoon, we put away the school bag and we fill the floor with Lego. And that Lego can stay until we leave for grandpa and grandma on Sunday.
Of course I also have to do some shopping on Saturday, I forget a lot of things. But my sweet, overstimulated, tired 6-year-old child? He stays at home, with his head only filled with all the Lego projects he has wanted to build for ages but always didn’t really have the time for.
Have a nice day! Enjoy the peace and quiet and cherish each other!
Sanderyn
Sanderyn (l), Leontien (r), Minnow (lo), Bryn (ro)
