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Is your son very sensitive? How can you tell that? And above all, how can you, as a parent, empower an hsp boy?
If you answered yes to several of these questions, you are probably raising a very sensitive boy. Highly sensitive boys have deep talents. But how do you empower them as a parent?
Highly sensitive boys are deeply touched and hurt by what others say to them. But not only that, the images and sensory stimuli (what they smell, feel, hear, see, etc.) from the environment also make a big impression. If your son is highly sensitive, he can also be very gripped by images of the news.
Many hsp boys excel in creativity and giftedness. But require a different parenting strategy from you as a parent.
Highly sensitive boys benefit greatly from parenting (or educational) approaches that take into account and understand their sensitivity.
Of course I realize that it is quite a “challenge” for you as a parent when your hsp child regularly comes home crying from school. I am well aware that this is not the time when you as a parent feel blessed with a sensitive son. But his sensitivity will be his greatest strength.
Good support from the environment is essential. After all, home should be a safe haven for your highly sensitive son.
The best thing you can do for your sensitive son is to create a homey atmosphere that is warm and soothing.
Maintain good relationships in your family through dinner at the table, cooperative games, traditions, light-hearted conversations, and quality time with the family.
A positive bond between mother and son is important for all boys, but especially for highly sensitive boys. There is a social fear of pampering sons too much, which makes us prematurely distance ourselves from our boys. It is especially important for your sensitive son that you as a mother remain emotionally connected.
In his development, your HSP son will be confronted in many ways with the image of ‘having to be a man’. Just think of social media, news, reactions from teachers. As a parent, on the other hand, you will have to give the consistent message to your son that he is great just the way he is.
Here are some tips to strengthen the bond
This is the easiest way to connect with any child from heart to heart. Playing looks different in the teenage years. Instead of playing with trains or blocks, you can join gaming, canoeing or cycling together.
Stay connected through physical affection. This can be done by cuddling, but also by frolicking.
Victor Borge wrote, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Shared laughter strengthens relationships, so think of or find something funny! Reminiscing, looking at old photos or videos is also often successful.
Our culture often teaches that boys have to be tough and strong, even if that is not always the case. Embracing a child’s sensitivity as a strength rather than seeing it as a problem is often a turning point for parents. This means that you no longer force your son to be “more like the other boys” but appreciate him for who he is. The boy with deep feelings, sensitive reactions and plenty of creativity.
So enjoy your son’s wonderful qualities. See the good in him and tell him what you see, because there are plenty of people who will tell him what is not good. It is our job, as mothers, to tell what we admire in his character, his sensitivity.
As outlined earlier, highly sensitive boys are easily hurt by harsh words, but also by raising their voices. That does not mean that you should not address your child about his behavior. After all, to be indulgent for fear of injuring your child does not teach him to deal with corrections. Should you talk to your highly sensitive son? Then correct him, but just do it carefully.
As a parent, pay attention to the uniqueness of each of your children. Provide clear rules to treat each other with respect. Help your children to resolve conflicts in a positive way. Keep conflicts to a minimum in your relationship as well. “While any child may be frightened by parents hearing them arguing, highly sensitive children are likely to be even more affected by parental conflict.”
Guys tend to shake things off when they fall off their bikes and bruise their knees. They don’t want to appear hurt or weak.
But hsp boys experience emotions more deeply, more intensely than the 80% non-highly sensitive population, so it’s important to teach your son about his feelings and how to deal with them.
It’s very important not to make him feel different or wrong because he’s experiencing and expressing such intense emotions. I think it’s also important to acknowledge his experience, but not exaggerate. By this I mean that you say: ‘I know it hurts when you stub your toe. I’ll get you some ice cream.” When I exaggerate, ‘Oh my poor boy! That must hurt so much. Have a look! That looks really painful. I understand why you’re crying! It really hurts, doesn’t it!’ The latter only makes the situation worse!
Highly sensitive children worry a lot. Help your son to clear his head by, for example, working with a diary, sleep chat or the face book.
Here are some tips to help your sensitive son deal with his emotions:
Offer your son a calming place where he can unwind and learn to regulate emotions. Teach your sensitive son relaxation techniques, offer your child visual distractions such as a drip track. Have your highly sensitive child keep a diary or use a face notebook.
Use games and activities to learn about feelings.
-> Read more tips on learning to express feelings here
Sensitive children are often people pleasers and perfectionists. They do everything they can to make everyone around them happy and often at the expense of themselves. Teach your son that setting boundaries doesn’t make him selfish and that it’s okay to be imperfect.
Here are a few ideas:
It can be difficult not to protect highly sensitive boys too much. As a parent, try to find the balance in how much he can handle and the best way to support him without hindering his growth. Being overprotective gives your sensitive son the message that you don’t trust him, that you think he can’t handle his sensitivity.
The best message we can give to our highly sensitive boys is: “I believe in you and your ability to fly, and I’m here to catch you if you fall.”
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